I have a confession to make.  I have fallen asleep at the prayer vigil.  The first Sunday morning of the prayer vigil (I think it was about 5 am) a gentleman walked up and startled me.  “Were you asleep?” he asked.  I had to admit that I was.

Struggling with staying awake at a prayer vigil is nothing new, of course.    Jesus’ own disciples had this same problem in the Garden of Gethsemane, just when Jesus needed them most.  Even though Jesus told them how His soul was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, and asked them to watch with Him, they fell asleep.  They failed Him in His time of need.

So how did Jesus respond when they failed?  First of all, He didn’t just let them sleep.  He exclaimed (sounding a bit indignant) “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour?”  Then He reminded them that they needed to keep praying, not just for His benefit, but for their own protection: “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation” (Matthew 26:41).  But after pointing them back to this high standard, He expressed compassion for them: “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  He didn’t condemn them in their weakness, but His compassion didn’t become complacency about their failure.  He didn’t just say “they’re tired, so I’ll let them sleep,” but He woke them up three times (Mark 14:41)!

So when I fall asleep at the prayer vigil, I take comfort, knowing that Jesus understands my weakness, and that through His grace He is faithful when I am not. 

But if that’s where it ends, I am now becoming like the women who enter the abortion chamber every week, telling us that they take comfort in God’s grace, believing that He will forgive them for the premeditated killing of children created in His image.  Doesn’t God allow us to “continue in sin that grace may abound?” (Romans 12:1).  No, “Certainly not!” (Romans 12:2)  That is an abuse of God’s grace!

Instead, when I recognize my failure, I don’t just roll over and go back to sleep.  It’s the comfort of God’s grace that allows me to try again.  “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again” (Proverbs 24:16).

If I didn’t have God’s grace to rely upon, I would just give up in frustration, saying “I’m a failure.”  But God’s grace allows me to attempt to obey Him even when I know that I don’t have the human strength to do so, because God’s power is perfected in my times of weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  My weakness provides the opportunity for His strength to shine through.

Too many people, like the women we see entering the killing center every week, think that God’s grace gives them the power to do evil.  But God’s grace was not given to us to enable us to do evil, but to enable us to do good!  The woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy who truly understands God’s grace would trust in Him to carry her through her difficulties, rather than believing that He would bless her efforts to cover up her sin.  His grace is intended to enable us to accomplish things we thought were impossible.  If we truly believe in His grace, we should have higher standards for ourselves, but sadly many Christians today seem to use His grace to lower their standards instead.

And so, during this 40 days, when I have failed in my responsibilities, when I have neglected to send updates out, or sent updates out late, when I have taken my eyes off of Jesus and become disheartened because of the seemingly endless slaughter, God’s grace enables me to try again, to persevere, knowing that every time I fail, it gives His power the opportunity to shine– if I do not lose heart.

If you have missed your scheduled time at the prayer vigil, or failed to show up at a time when you know God wanted you to be here (even if you weren’t scheduled), don’t let the devil use this as an opportunity to convince you that you are a failure, deciding to just give up on this prayer vigil because it is too hard.  Yes, it is too hard for you, but it is not too hard for God!  Let God’s grace give you the strength to get up and try again!